some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
