I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
