I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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