No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
