Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
