he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
