you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
