we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize