So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
