Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
