You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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