Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
