I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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