i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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