Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone needs a breathalizer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize