soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize