she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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