You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They took my balls.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
