her vagine was all disorganized.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just pee around me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
