Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
