I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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