apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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