when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
