Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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