these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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