my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
