Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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