The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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