DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
