Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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