You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
