I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
