i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
