He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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