I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
