..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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