so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
