Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
