Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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