Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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