Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
