Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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