Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
