Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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