my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
