You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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