please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
