I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
