we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
