i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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