I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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