Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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