gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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