even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
