Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
