it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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