i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
