You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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