we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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