3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like eating out sand paper
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
