I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
