I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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