just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
