Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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