If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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