just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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