Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
