you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
