It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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