I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
