I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
